How To Be The ‘Perfect’ Nigerian First Born Child

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1) Be prepared to act as a third parent/unpaid baby sitter without the parental authority or perks.

Cooking, changing diapers, watching your siblings when your parents go off to do fun stuff, etc are your responsibilities.

2) When watching your siblings, make sure they never get in trouble.

Even if there are 5 of them and they’re all running around with the energy of the Tasmanian Devil on Crystal meth.

3) When your siblings inevitably get in trouble, take the blame.

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If they accidentally murder someone, better learn to not drop the soap because YOU are going to prison.

4) Be fine with your parents giving your stuff to your siblings (usually without your permission).

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Not all hand-me-downs were consensual.

5) Be fine with your parents treating your siblings way better than they treated you.

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For example, if your parents hardly ever let you go out when you were little, your siblings’ curfew will be 1 AM…and 12 AM on school nights.

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6) Go to university and study a course that your parents can brag with.


7) Come back from the university after 4 years with a degree and a romantic partner who’s already in their first trimester.

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Or with a kid already. Because your parents want grandchildren and time is of the essence.

8) Get a well-paying job immediately after graduation so you can send money home whenever they want.

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Arthritis in your old age is gonna be major due to you carrying your entire family’s finances on your back.

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The post How To Be The ‘Perfect’ Nigerian First Born Child appeared first on Zikoko!.

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